well huh i guess im an abstract artist and a so so writer and im evil! but its a good kind of evil honest *laughs manically* oh and Frostbyte is mine *growls and clings possessively*
i found this outside my music class, I did not create it nor take credit to the fact that its hilarious, People who want to get made at me and flame me are espcially welcome to comment
God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions. Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you perfer a direct response to comments or suggestions.
1. How did you find out about God?
__ Newspaper
__ Bible
__ Torah
__ Book of Mormon
__ Koran
__ Other Book
__ Television
__ Divine Inspiration
__ Word of mouth
__ Dead Sea scrolls
__ My mam done tol' me
__ Near Death Experience
__ Near-life Experience
__ National Public Radio
__ Tabloid
__ Burning Shubbery
__ Who?
__ Other (please specify):__________________
2. Which model God did you aquire?
__ Yahweh
__ Jehovah
__ Allah
__ Just plain God
__ Krishna
__ Father, Son & Holy Ghost (Trinity Pak)
__ Zeus and entourage (Olympus Pak)
__ Odin and entourage (Valhalla Pak)
__ Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother Nature
__ None of the above; I was taken in by a false god
3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?
__ Yes
__ No
If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered here. Please indicate all that apply:
__ Not eternal
__ Not omniscient
__ Not omnipotent
__ Finite in space/Does not occupy or inhabit the entire universe
__ Permits sex outside of marriage
__ Prohibits sex outside of marriage
__ Makes mistakes (Geraldo Rivera, Jesse Helms)
__ When beseeched, doesn't stay beseeched
__ Requires burnt offerings
__ Requires virgin sacrifices
__ Plays dice with the universe
4. What factors were relevant in your descision to acquire a God? Please check all that apply.
__ Indoctrinated by parents
__ Needed a reason to live
__ Indoctrinated by society
__ Needed a target for rage
__ Imaginary friend grew up
__ Hate to think for self
__ Wanted to meet girls/boys
__ Needed blind moral righteousness to justify violence
__ Fear of death
__ Needed a day away from work
__ Enjoy organ music
__ Needed to feel morally superior
__ Graduated from the tooth fairy
__ My shubbery caught fire and told me to do it
5. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply.
__ Self-help books
__ Tarot, Astrology
__ Star Trek re-runs
__ Fortune cookies
__ Ann Landers
__ Psychic Friends Network
__ Dianetics
__ Chicken Soup for the something-or-other
__ Biorhythms
__ EST
__ Television
__ Mantras
__ Jimmy Swaggart
__ Crystals (not including Crystal Gale)
__ Human Sacrifice
__ Wandering around the desert
__ Burning shrubbery
__ Other:_____________________________
6. Have you ever worshiped a false God?
__ Yes
__ No
If Yes, by which false God were you fooled? (Please check all that apply.)
__ Odin
__ Cthulhu
__ Lottery
__ Baal
__ Beelzebub
__ The Almighty Dollar
__ The Conservative Right
__ Mick Jagger
__ Bill Gates
__ The Great Pumpkin
__ A burning cabbage
__ Other:__________________________
7. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you perfer? (Please circle one)
a. More Divine Intervention
b. Less Divine Intervention
c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
d. Don't know - what's Divine Intervention?
8. God also tries to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 to 5 God's handling of the following: (1 unsatisfactory, 5 excellent)
Miracles:
1 2 3 4 5 rescues
1 2 3 4 5 spontaneous remissions
1 2 3 4 5 crying statues
1 2 3 4 5 water changing to wine
1 2 3 4 5 walking on water
1 2 3 4 5 stars hovering over towns
1 2 3 4 5 AOL
1 2 3 4 5 VCRs that set their own clocks
1 2 3 4 5 clear and competent statements by the President
1 2 3 4 5 my present relationship
9. Please rate the following on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 unsatisfactory, 5 excellent):
1 2 3 4 5 God's courtesy
1 2 3 4 5 answers to your prayers
1 2 3 4 5 Are your spiritual needs being met?
1 2 3 4 5 How are your shrubs doing?
10. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach additional sheets if necessary.)
_________________________________________________________________________________________
Thank you for your time and attention to these divine matters. You may now resume your normal life.
Wow....just wow. Thanks for all the favorites!!!!!!!!! I have never had someone favorite so much of my stuff before. Not even on deviantART have I been given this many favorites and I'm much more popular there. Thank you so much! You are too kind.
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